All of a sudden

 It’s like all of a sudden Ian started eating better for us with table foods. He just has a problem with stuffing his face and hoarding food… But he also is learning more words and singing to songs. It probably helps that I literally have a playlist that gets played every day, so he can be familiar with all the songs. 

I’m just really relieved that the speech therapist said he is doing amazing for how early Ian was born. I was telling her about how I didn’t know what to think because in the NICU everyone acted like he would always be a little behind up til around three years old likely, and that we should go by his adjusted age - but then after the NICU it was like nobody would go by his adjusted age. 

It really is becoming more surreal to think how he is growing so fast and that we will have to go through so many transitions this year and in the coming year(s). Ian will have to start preschool and we will probably have to move because of that, and I’ll also have to start working again. I don’t know how I could ever go back to work - I mean the agony of TRYING to find work let alone having it be in a specific area just so I can drop Ian off to the preschool is so intimidating. I always had trouble finding work in the past. I don’t even know how to go about this. Wrapping my mind around it is impossible at this point. I feel like the best thing to do is just take each day at a time and when we get to that bridge we’ll cross it then, but me worrying about it now doesn’t do a thing.

On the other hand, I have been messing around with building an online resume website to try to have something available and ready whenever that bridge does come. Not having worked in a couple years makes it that much harder to even account for what I am capable of doing, let alone convince anyone to hire me, but I feel like my ambition outweighs my setbacks - I mean how many stay at home moms with a kid who has had medical issues for their first couple years of life (and still have food allergies) do you know who even go out of their way to try to work around all that? I know there’s plenty of moms who somehow have successful businesses, but I think those are not the normal - it just seems like they are because we see hundreds of them on youtube etc - but I am talking about real people you know. I don’t know anyone else who has done what I have. I know successful people, but they either have been successful for years and had a lot of support, or they worked their way up to where they are over many years. I don’t know, maybe I am giving myself too much positive ideas, but I feel more confident about myself now than I ever have - especially after talking to that “friend” who totally disregarded any of my skills and acted like whatever I do has been done thousands of times and isn’t worth it. 

Speaking of that “friend” - I was not sure what to make of them for the past 4 years. Now I’m pretty sure.